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“… your identity will be tied to whatever you give your heart to… . Something or someone will have first place in your heart… . But when you find your identity in the One who created you, it will change your whole perspective.”
— Chris Fabry
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Sometimes it’s makeup and flowers and friendship and cheek kisses.
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““I compare him to you a lot,” she says, a smile growing on her lips. “The way he looks at me, you never looked at me like that. Like I was something precious, something to cherish. You never listened, you’d brush away my views and opinions and insist you were right. He doesn’t. He listens, takes in my view and respects it. You never held me like he does. You’d make it seem like a chore, something you had to do. He takes my hand when I don’t expect it, pulls me close and kisses me like he can’t stop himself.” Her smile is beaming, but it’s not for him. Not anymore. “I compare him to you a lot because now I see how bad you were for me. I thought I was happy with you, but now I know I am so much happier with him than I ever was with you.””
— Excerpt from the book I’ll never write
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“I used to build dreams about you.”
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
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there is no audience to perform for, there is no approval, no admiration to attain. there is no role worth playing, there is no one to convince. let it go
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One of the most challenging things I’ve had to learn is that healing must be intentional. There is no one golden day that comes and saves you from all your misery. Healing is a practice. You have to decide that it’s what you want to do and actively do it. You have to make a habit out of it. Once I learned that, I only looked back to see how far I came.
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Moths and truck rides and drunk beach days July 18-19, 2019
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““Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.””
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this is LITERALLY the funniest promotional piece that anyone has ever made for a tv show or movie ever
I keep reblogging this and I’m not sure why
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(Source: weheartit.com)
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this meme made me realise that other people apparently know how to show empathy without personal anecdotes
… how…. please teach me
I’m pretty sure none of us will get answers but please…if someone knows the secrets to showing empathy without personal anecdotes please speak up. We need answers
(Me (adhd + autism) can show empathy, but not sympathy. For me, it’s like I do the exact same thing, but as well as showing empathy through anecdotes I show sympathy through empathy).
@decabus @some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat @messynogenderpotato
I have somethin I guess? I’ve been the Support Friend for most of my life so I managed to get it down to a formula. TW: dog death
1. Ask Questions
This is mainly to keep them talking, that way a) they feel like they have a confidante in you, and b) the pressure is less on you to Say Things. In fact it shouldn’t be about you Saying Things at all, it should be you figuring out where they’re at and trying to understand.
E.g. “My dog died, I miss him.” Ask questions, and when they start talking, let them talk. “What was his name?” “How and when did he die?” “Tell me about him.” “What was he like?” “What’s your favourite memory of him?” “When did you first meet him?” “Did you teach him any tricks?” Again the point is to keep them talking, the questions are just to get them on a roll. If you’re worrying about what to say next, listen to what they’re saying and ask details of what they’re currently talking about, or mentally prepare your next question.2. Listen
Let them talk. The more you listen to them talk, the more they feel like it’s okay to talk to you. If they dwindle off, ask them something else to get them talking again. Upset people usually have a lot to say.
Every now and again you can throw in little sentences like “Wow, what a bitch!” “Aw, so sad.” “What the fuck? Why?” just to prove you’re still listening and following, and haven’t wandered off into space.
3. When they’re done, give it back to them
It’s a technique called mirroring. Sum up whatever you heard in short form - if they’ve talked for half an hour about the little details of their deceased pet, say something like “It sounds like he was a very good boy/sounds like he meant a lot to you/sounds like you will miss him.” It’s been known to make people dissolve into a sobbing mess, because this is the part where you prove you’ve done your homework, you listened, you care, you get it.
4. If you really want to offer a solution, ask first. You can just skip this step altogether tbh.
Only when someone has finished talking about whatever is upsetting them, ask if you can help. “Can I offer some advice?” Now is the time for SHORT anecdotes. Short. It’s not about you sharing your story, it’s about them getting advice. Remember they don’t have to take your advice, again it’s about them and their emotions, and they know themselves best. “When my dog died, I did this. Would that help?” “I read somewhere about doing this. Maybe try that and see how it goes?”
Hope this helps y’all. The TL;DR of all this is basically listen, and prove you’re listening.
Thank you!!!
That explanation really is so good!
I would throw in a caveat for number 4 and suggest that instead of saying “can I offer some advice” ask “are you looking for advice or would you prefer just to vent?” There’s a social expectation that when someone offers you advice it’s rude to say no, and many people will say yes even when they don’t want advice and resent you for giving it. To avoid this potential social faux pas, instead offer both options (advice or just a listening ear) as equally valid and let them chose. A paired choice will not feel rude for them to select from if they really did just want to vent/cry on your shoulder.
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“The best gift you are ever going to give someone - the permission to feel safe in their own skin. To feel worthy. To feel like they are enough.”
— Hannah Brechner
